at that moment in time.....i knew that evil was inside me. my pupils were so dilated, only the green of my eyes showed, the brown was obscured by the black. the horizonal blood shot streak that ran across both of my eyes added to the effect.....i looked like the devil.
i remember the events of those days & nights as though they were yesterday, yesterday seven years ago. science fiction-reality. the love of it, the hate of it, the uncontrollable desire of it. on that day in january, i knew that was the beginning, of the end, of my addiction.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
another hellish day
what did i do, i mean, really. what the hell did i do. must have been a doesy. must have really screwed someone over good. karma coming back to bite me in the ass? but then again, what do teenagers know about common curtesy, or thoughtfulness, or anything other than what they want?
i raised one son sucessfully. lots of bumps & dips & hills & valley's along the way, but it all worked out in the end. now i'm doing it again, my grandson this time. son of a bitch, it sure ain't easy this time around. sometimes i think he has rocks for brains. love the "child", 17 yrs. old. oh yeah, "he's not a child, he's an adult", yeah, when pigs fly.
you wake up to "mom, where's matt"? asleep! "no he's not, he's not here"! what the fuck? grab the phone, call the neighbor he went out with. no answer. millions of bad thoughts going through your mind, oh, then he walks in the door. walks in like nothing is wrong. i slept on the couch at my friends house. well la ti da! 100 yards from home! did i know that? well hell no!
almost, well actually already in tears, i try to understand why it's no big deal to him, and such a huge deal to me. different planets we live on i guess. thank god he is ok, thank goodness he's not in jail, but REALLY!!! always bumps in the road, no matter how many times you think you've paved that road......always bumps.
i raised one son sucessfully. lots of bumps & dips & hills & valley's along the way, but it all worked out in the end. now i'm doing it again, my grandson this time. son of a bitch, it sure ain't easy this time around. sometimes i think he has rocks for brains. love the "child", 17 yrs. old. oh yeah, "he's not a child, he's an adult", yeah, when pigs fly.
you wake up to "mom, where's matt"? asleep! "no he's not, he's not here"! what the fuck? grab the phone, call the neighbor he went out with. no answer. millions of bad thoughts going through your mind, oh, then he walks in the door. walks in like nothing is wrong. i slept on the couch at my friends house. well la ti da! 100 yards from home! did i know that? well hell no!
almost, well actually already in tears, i try to understand why it's no big deal to him, and such a huge deal to me. different planets we live on i guess. thank god he is ok, thank goodness he's not in jail, but REALLY!!! always bumps in the road, no matter how many times you think you've paved that road......always bumps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)