today i begin blogging. therapy i'm calling it. a way to vent, a way to relax, a way to share, even if it's only with myself. a way to relieve boredom, stress, anger, happiness, sadness. a way to put my thoughts on paper, wherever that may lead me.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


that's a big word.  full of meaning.  when used out of context, down right insulting.

i NEVER ask for more than i'm willing to give.  there's nothing wrong with that, nothing dishonorable, dispicable, unkind, or mean.  so....judge me not, for you have not walked in my shoes.  they don't fit you.   my shoes are old, worn, tattered, full of life experiences.  i have the right to set boundries and submit requests.

i'm only a shadow in your eyes...will never be anything more, that i promise.  we come from the same place, but worlds apart.  yours is shiny, fluffy, and giving.  mine is simple, rugged, and challenging.

condescending.......if the shoe fits......

Shit fire & save matches

Spitting nails right about now.  Now I know why I'm blogging.  We'll call him....him, or he.  Why does he think everyone should hand him whatever he wants.  Does he give anything back in return.  The trash, yeah, he takes out the trash.  Bravo!

His phone doesn't pay itself.  I use to pay it.  He works part-time, now he has to pay it.  Except good ole me, I tell him I'll help alittle.  Still, does he help out, well fuck no.  I told him he should think about doing the dishes again, utensils, silverware, 3 glasses & 3 coffee cups each day.  Five minutes tops.  He says he's been doing them.  Well....maybe I have a selective memory, but I have been doing the damn things, for the past 8 days.  So I tell him that, and he says ask Papaw.  Ask him WHAT!!!   Exasperated, mouth hanging a jar, down right pissed off.  Man he lights a fire in my ass. 



Sleep eluded me again last night, I slept, but awoke way before the roosters crowed.  The house was silent as was the windy night air.  The crickets chirping was the only sound to be heard.  I love the silence of night, the peacefulness it brings.  The distant whiz of cars subside as the world falls slowly into slumber. quietly as the night slips slips away.  Day is breaking, the whizzing of cars can be heard once again.  What will the day hold?  Drowsy from lack of sleep now, I wonder why in the hell I'm up so early.  I hate these in-between hours.  Too early to be up, to late to go back to sleep.  I feel sluggish, drained, irritable.  Why was my mood so uplifting & productive just a few short hours ago? 

I always feel like I'm doing something bad, something I shouldn't be doing.  Only in those dark days when there was no sleep did I see the nights slip into morning.  I'm not necessarily a morning person.  I like to slide into wakefullness at my own speed, slowly, gently, later rather than earlier.  What to do, what to do. 

Already productive from my early rise, I've completed half of my days activities.  I'm still being called back to my bed, yet I'm fighting the urge, knowing that will only ruin the morning ahead of me.  I sit here yawning, rubbing my eyes....wondering why the hell I'm writing a blog about this....because I can!